Friday, July 11, 2014
Sad Songs
by Lang Leav

Once there was a boy who couldn't speak but owned a music box that held every song in all the world. One day he met a girl that had never heard a single melody in her entire life and so he played her his favourite song. He watched while her face lit up with wonder as the music filled the sky and the poetry of lyrics moved her in a way she had never felt before.

He would play his songs for her day after day and she would sit by him quietly -- never seeming to mind that he could only speak to her through song. She loved everything he played for her, but of them all -- she loved the sad songs best. So he began to play them more and more until eventually, sad songs were all she would hear.

One day, he noticed it had been a very long time since her last smile. When he asked her why, she took both his hands in hers and kissed them warmly. She thanked him for the gift of music and poetrybut above all else -- for showing her sadness because she had known neither of these things before him. But it was now time for her to go away -- to find someone who could show her what happiness was.


Do you remember the song that was playing the night we met?
No, but I remember every song I have heard since you left.
posted by __Sonia at 10:00 PM | 0 comments
Monday, October 14, 2013
To forgive others is to benefit ourselves, for too much sorrow in us will only hurt us.


So last semester's results didn't turn out godawful after all, thank God, so there's still the will to continue living. However, a certain individual has been holding it against me because I did better than him, and he is seemingly blind to the simple fact that I put in more effort than he did. Not to mention that before exams, he was on parrot mode about how he's not competing with anyone and how he's only aiming to pass, so now that you've passed with a pretty decent pointer, why the flying fruitcake are you comparing your results to mine?? There are so many more things I would love to rant about you, but ditching out everything here may not be the best idea.

I had the impression that first week of class would be a breeze, but I was so wrong. First day itself we were flattened by time-consuming assignments with horrendously close deadlines. Oh well, no one said this was going to be a piece of cake. I'm just happy there are more individual assignments this semester instead of group ones. I don't work well with others? Perhaps.

Belonging is the third element in the hierarchy of needs. 
It's the only element I'm missing.
posted by __Sonia at 10:10 PM | 0 comments
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
nowplaying: Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites - Skrillex
Best dubstep track ever.

It's October ALREADY, and we'll soon enter 2014, yet i can barely remember how I spent the last 10 months. It's like Sleeping Beauty, bet her 100 years passed real fast, except in my case, sans the beauty part. Second semester starts in under a week, can't say I'm depressed, neither am I excited. It's been like that a lot lately, feels like I'm running low on emotions. Meh. 
Last semester's results should be out anyyy day now, please don't let it be godawful. /fingers crossed

So I last semester I decided to help out for the new intake's orientation, hence signed up for RCM (Registration, Campus tour, Mass Call). Signed up with Alvin and JK but in the end Alvin pulled out and JK brought along his new girlfriend (whom I had no prior knowledge about), which made me feel like the world's brightest light bulb.
Through the 3 day briefing and 3 days of duties, naturally I got to know other RCM helpers as well as members of the Peer Mentoring Program (PMP), and ironically enough I got along wayyy better with the PMP members although I spent significantly less time with them. Pretty awesome bunch, they are.
Maybe there is a place for me here, after all.

Me: I came in after STPM as well, last semester. 
Freshman: You mean you're only 20?!
Me: ... Yes, I'm only 20.

posted by __Sonia at 1:13 AM | 0 comments
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Well, hasn't it been long?

Will be sitting for my finals tomorrow, but instead I am here, reconciling with my blog and stuffing my face with cookies.
Screw counting calories, exams are a legit reason for cookies, yes.

Spent a whole day mugging, but I'm still not sure what I know and what I don't, because I'm afraid that when I go through that, the information will leak out of my head.
Or at least that's how the metaphorical picture in my head depicts it. So let's just leave that in the pool of uncertainty.

Head is spinning, I should stop with these cookies.
And perhaps get some sleep.
And try not to drown in guilt tomorrow.

Ah, que sera sera.

posted by __Sonia at 10:23 AM | 0 comments
Thursday, March 28, 2013
When I was eight, they told us, all the bright-eyed, attentive kids in the hall, that we each have our very own talents. Something that sets us apart from the rest. Something that made us one of a kind. It's in you, they said, every single one of you here. Your talent is what makes you special, a God-given ability. That however, doesn't make you superior, oh no, but certainly different from everyone else.

Well, they lied.

"There is a difference between being talented, and being hardworking."

The world comprises of two kinds of people: The talented, and those who wished they were. And I, unfortunately, sadly so, admit that I fall in the latter category.
Though honestly, it's actually not so bad being the crowd, being average, being invisible. Privacy comes easier, everything is peachy and everyone's contented.
But when you're constantly surrounded by gifted individuals, that's when you feel the pinch, the inferiority. What you're feeling is their shadow.
Am I jealous? Perhaps.
What makes matters worst when you bother trying. You pour out your heart and soul, blood, sweat and tears, into it and in the end, yielding average results. Average in the absolute, complete, whole definition of average. Yes, after all the effort, that is all you get. It really makes you wonder if you're possibly not even at the level of mediocre. Discouraging is a massive understatement, God, does it make you question your worth, besides feeling utterly self-disgusted for letting down the ones who had faith in you.
Again, and again, and again, why do I have to play Disappointment?
Who I really need right now is AhJie. I need to cry, I need to apologize, I need to confess.

I thought I was good at something. I still haven't found it yet.

posted by __Sonia at 11:21 AM | 0 comments
Wednesday, March 27, 2013

"The words are coming, I feel terrible. Is it typical for us to act like this? Am I just another scene from a movie that you've seen one hundred times?" -When I Get Home, You're So Dead. -Mayday Parade.

You give and give and give and what do you get in return?

Next phase of life, commence. STPM results weren't next to godawful as featured in my worst-case scenario, thank heavens. University applications completed, mailed with the relevant documents, ladida, so far so good, yay. Now to sit back, relax, have a cookie, and await replies.

I don't know why I don't go out more, it's not like I don't have friends. If I did maybe I'd stop feeling so alone and despondent all the time, maybe I could snuff out whatever that's eating me on the inside.
Maybe, it's just all in my head.
But why should it mean it isn't real?

The world's a hypocrite, we all are, in some way or the another. It's honestly nothing to be made a big deal of, we don't wear halos, sit on clouds and pick at our harps, producing soft, sweet background music in heaven.
We are, after all, only human.
But what annoys me are the ones, in my opinion, who are confused. The extremists. Hypocrite to the power of bipolar. They criticize and curse the living daylight out of someone for one thing or another then they do THE EXACT SAME THING. Repeat, repeat, repeat, until stale.
Some people are just born to deserve a slap in the face by a rampaging herd of elephants.

I understand why I'm right the bottom of your list. I understand, I understand, I understand. 
But you can't make me love it. Heck, I can't make me love it. 
But then again, having social networking sites precede me, is a tad too cruel, I must say.
We'll see how long this lasts.

Spare change, that's what you get.
posted by __Sonia at 9:43 AM | 0 comments
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
"So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing, I am captivated. I am vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right. I swear I'm right. I swear I knew it all along." -Vindicated. -Dashboard Confessional.

First post of the year! *throws confetti*
There is a small amount of guilt felt about not blogging more often seeing as I have all the time in the world (for now). But that's what 3 months of lazing around with no particular goal to achieve does to you, you get too lazy to even string words together to form a proper complex sentence. Meh. 
Excuses, excuses.
But on a more serious note, these months without purpose are making me soft. Literally, you'd be surprised to know that I am, in fact, not stuffed with fibrefill. Oh, and there's soft in the head as well. I swear somewhere inside this skull here resides a pile of mush that was once, believe it or not, a brain. I did consider getting myself a job (no, really, I did) but there were some concerns that would arise if I DID successfully get myself employed, mainly:-
(a) Who's going to drive Bryan around. He could cycle or walk, but no, what if he gets kidnapped by sex predators with tall-scrawny-teenage-boy fetishes.
(b) Who's going to help mum with chores, especially with her health being less than satisfactory these days. Add chores to her list, her mood will plummet faster than a free-falling boulder, and Bryan'll be the only one around to witness all hell breaking loose. He wouldn't be too happy about that.
(c) There wouldn't be any time left to spend with Melvin. I doubt I'd get weekends off, that way we'll have less than the usual few-hours-a-week.
Besides, university commences in May. That's not too long a wait... Right?

Now, let's shorten our sights on something closer, such as STPM results. *insert classic a-murderer-just-yanked-open-my-shower-curtains scream here*
Speculated date: 6th, 7th or 8th of March.
Which means next week, God bless my soul. I think I'll check it via sms or online after midnight, and not wait for the slips-handout at 10am, else it'll be a sleepless night and I'd be scaring myself shitless with an endless list of worst case scenarios.
After that, there is a big possibility I would have to adopt a paper bag to be a permanent part of my face.There is still the big looming problem on how to face the world if my results are next to godawful. I have more ego than I can handle, no lie.

Slight hope, it dangles on a string.
posted by __Sonia at 6:45 AM | 0 comments